Sparks Magazine Online


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月亮 - yuè liàng - moon.


Freaky Fridays with Nate Smith

I’ve Been Shot!!!

No one wants to be shot. That’s just a terrible thing to have happen to you. But if you’re going to get shot, at least make it worth the pain, you know? Like in all those action movies the bad guy always goes out, guns blazing, bleeding but somehow not feeling any pain, and eight shots already riddling his body with holes. Too bad this story is not one of those I’m-about-to-go-out-like-a-complete-badass stories. In fact, it’s kind of sad.

            Imagine being in the hospital. There’s a patient next to you. The guy looks over at you and asks, “Hey bud, what are you in here for?” to which you nicely answer with, “Oh, I got shot.” “Oh, really? Where?” He asks. You pause for a second, deciding whether or not to answer this. “In my butt man. My left buttock.” The patient roars laughing. “Dang. Sucks to be you. You know who shot you?” This is where it gets sad. “Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. My dog did.” HOLD THE PRESSES! A DOG SHOT YOU?!

            Yep. That’s exactly what I said. A DOG. A SHOTGUN. AN UNSUSPECTING BUTT. A 46 year old man (name withheld because of wounded pride) was duck hunting with his “best friend” (or so he thought) and had stepped out of the boat they were in to set some traps in the water. The dog, getting excited over the upcoming dinner of baked duck glazed in duck sauce, started jumping around the boat and stepped on the gun. THE GUN GOES OFF. Somehow, Sparky (yes, I just named the dog) was able to take off the safety and pull the trigger in a single swoop of his paw and blast his master where it hurts.

            The day ends immediately for the man and Sparky did not get to get some baked duck glazed in duck sauce. Instead, Sparky had to sit next to his master with his tail tucked between his legs while the paramedics had to pull shrapnel from the man’s rear end.

(Source: telegraph.co.uk)



Monday Message with Tim Ng

If you’ve ever wondered where your beloved animal companion originated, evidence suggests that dogs as we know today originate from a region in modern China. That’s right, the land known for eating your pet as a meal with a side of bok choy has been identified as the most probable place for the domestic dog species to have originated. Although the Middle East had been thought to have been the bithplace of the modern dog, Dr. Peter Savolainen from Swedens’s KTH Royal Institute of Technology believes that he has strong evidence that dogs were domesticated somewhere east of the Yangtze River.

Dr. Savolainen explains:

Our analysis of Y-chromosomal DNA now confirms that wolves were first domesticated in Asia south of Yangtze River — we call it the ASY region — in southern China or Southeast Asia. Taken together, the two studies provide very strong evidence that dogs originated in the ASY region. Our results confirm that Asia south of the Yangtze River was the most important — and probably the only — region for wolf domestication, and that a large number of wolves were domesticated. Since other studies have indicated that wolves were domesticated in the Middle East, we wanted to be sure nothing had been missed. We find no signs whatsoever that dogs originated there.”

We find that in many countries eating dog is seen as taboo and that they view others who eat dogs as undesireable. I personally have been accused multiple times of eating dog, although I have never eaten dog in my life.

Further research sheds some light on personal opinions on the subject of eating dog.

“cuz it tastes like chicken”

(via Yahoo! Answers)

Whether used as an insult of not, eating dog has been a part of history as a source of food in all parts of the world from Asia to the United States.


Freaky Fridays with Nate Smith

Please Pardon my Turkey…

HOORAY FOR PARDONS!

It seems like Liberty and Peace won’t be murdered for the sake of shady politicians this Thanksgiving. Good move, Mr. President. One more thing that America can fist pump its hand for. Of course, everyone reading this has absolutely no idea what I’m currently talking about. What are you talking about, you ask? Well, let me explain.

Liberty and Peace are turkeys this time, not ideals that we stand for…actual turkeys.

Apparently Congress and Washington had decided that out of all of the American turkeys out there, Liberty and Peace (why do the turkeys have names to begin with, anyway?) would be the best choice for this year. Is it me, or are these names bleeding irony all over the dinner table? Try not to ruin the white table cloth of Justice with innocent blood, guys.

Looks like Obama didn’t like the idea of Liberty as the center piece for the meal next to the health care cobbler, deficit ham, and collard greens of reform. Putting Liberty on the table would have been an indirect slap to the face of all the servicemen coming home from Iraq just to find out she had already been served up before they could get a taste of their hard work. So, he decided to spare Liberty hoping maybe Luck her sister could join up with him in the upcoming election.

In any case, Obama has done the turkeys and PETA a service by not slaughtering the birds for the sake of politics. And for that, the turkeys are gobbling their thanks for the pardon on Thanksgiving.


(Source: reuters.com)


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